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"Gone, But Not Forgotten" |
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The “official” recognition of an individual’s death plays an important role in the experience of the survivors, the local community, and society at large.
When those who were close to the deceased person read that person’s obituary in the newspaper, see their name printed in an annual list of deceased members of an organization, or hear their name read in a memorial service, it enables bereaved individuals to move from denial toward acceptance because there is something about reading that name or hearing it called in a public gathering that indicates that their death is now an official “reality.”
This “recognition of reality” enables survivors and the community to remember this person and the role they played in the lives of all who knew them. Now it is official, and, because they have been officially remembered, they will not be forgotten.
Such “remembering” is emotionally and mentally difficult, yet, it necessitates that we consider the question of “why” and “how” we remember. One of the benefits of attending a memorial service is that we not only remember, but we also learn “how” to remember; and this is important for those of us who live in a society which has forgotten how to remember.
When bereaved individuals gather with others who have lost loved ones, they discover that there is a “shared experience” which generates empathy for one another, and, although persons may be total strangers to one another, they find that they share a common bond of loss and grief. It is ironic that bereaved persons draw strength and healing from those who are strangers and whose lives intermingle with theirs in this important and therapeutic experience.
Each year many churches observe an annual All Saints Day Service during which they read and remember the names of deceased members. It is an old custom that reaches back across the centuries because the “fathers in the faith” saw the wisdom and importance of remembering those who are “gone but not forgotten.”
We, the living, also need to remember that at some point in time “our” name will appear in the official list of those who died during a particular year, and our loved ones will need the help and support of each other and the community in dealing with our death. Part of the help they receive will come through the official remembering of our life.
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| This article was submitted by Don Harold Lawrence,
grief counselor for the SUNRISE Program. |
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