One common feeling among many is the weariness associated with not forgiving. The connection with grief runs deep. I have long pondered just how to deal with this topic. As I was gathering research for this article, it occurred to me. There is an account of one man's journey that will serve to illustrate our application. His name is Peter. He denied three times knowing the Messiah. (John 18:25-27) First, Peter was asked by a Maid, who controlled the door to the court of the high priest; second, he was asked of the servants of the high priest; and third, if he was with him when the Christ was arrested. The text says after their eyes met, Peter "went out and wept bitterly." (Luke 22:61-62).
Was this man in any way able to receive God's forgiveness? This man, who denied all knowledge and any involvement with the soon to be crucified one, did not deserve mercy but received it nonetheless. Yes, Jesus himself illustrated this to Peter. God extended grace to him in spite of his previous transgression. (John 21:15-17). This after Peter apparently gave up, thinking his action too egregious without any hope of repair. (John 21:3)
This often is where we falter in our reasoning in relation to grief. We think that forgiving (whether self and/or others) means forgetting or excusing what happened if wrong was committed, it does mean giving yourself permission to let go of the frustration, anger, disappointment, and resentment. Holding on to these eats away at you from the inside out and gives your control of self away. You become a puppet on a string, a slave to these emotions, continuously feeding them. Let go.
