Men and women grieve differently
The death of a child has a profound impact on a marriage and creates a unique type of stress within the parents of the deceased child, and, because of this, it is important for us to understand the difference between the way men and women grieve.  Within a year of a child’s death many marriages experience serious conflict.  Because men and women grieve differently, the death of a child can lead to these serious conflicts.  For example, each parent has a different relationship with the child, and this means that each parent will mourn differently.  A lack of understanding and appreciation for each other’s grief can create barriers and make communication very difficult or even impossible.  Spouses may blame each other for their child’s death.  Because of the intense emotions that are evoked due to a child’s death, past conflicts and negative feelings each spouse has had for the other may surface during this time.  Bereaved parents may project their feelings of shock, anger, guilt, and sadness on each other.  One spouse may become angry because the other spouse cannot read his/her mind, and this leads to one spouse feeling that the other spouse is insensitive and uncaring.  This is why it is critical for each spouse to understand the difference in the particular ways that men and women grieve.  It is also important for each person to have his/her time, space, and distance.  This makes it possible for husbands and wives to genuinely and freely share their feelings and thoughts with each other.  Being able to honestly and lovingly share their feelings and needs with each other is crucial for their marriage. 
One thing we know for sure about the impact of a child’s death on a marriage is that the marriage will never again be the same.  The impact of a child’s death changes the marriage from that time forward, and there will come a point where it is important--even crucial--for the marriage, that husbands and wives re-discover each other.
Typical male roles interfere with a bereaved father’s freedom to grieve.  From the time they are little boys, males in our society are taught and conditioned to believe that a “real man” is always strong like steel and never shows softness by crying or showing tender emotions.  Males are programmed to believe and practice the philosophy that says, “Big boys don’t cry!”  Whereas women talk about their grief with friends and cry openly, many men cannot talk easily or openly discuss their grief, and, because of this, they may be “tied in knots,” stressed-out, irritable, cold, angry, and depressed.  These differences can lead to serious conflicts between bereaved husbands and wives.  If these conflicts and differences are not understood and resolved, they can deepen, lead to marital disharmony, and eventually to separation and divorce.  A man’s feeling of being overwhelmed can lead to feelings of despair which, in turn, can lead to attempts at escape, i.e., alcohol, drugs, overwork or an extra-marital affair.  Because of their conditioning that has programmed them to believe they are supposed to solve their own problems, be self-sufficient, and stand on their own feet, men also have difficulty in seeking private grief counseling or joining a grief support group.  This would require men to open up and share their true feelings, and many men avoid this at all cost.  However, men need to realize that healthy and realistic grieving is a process that leads to healing.  Unresolved and repressed grief is a serious problem and can cause turmoil, bitterness, family conflicts, health problems, and even death.  Although grieving will not change the fact that a child has died or take away the pain, positive and healthy grieving is one of the realistic and workable ways in which we rebuild our lives and put our shattered and fragmented world back together.