Give It Time
See that tree in the picture? The one with no leaves? The one that looks like it’s as dead as the proverbial doornail (whatever that means)? Well, it isn’t. It just takes its own sweet time leafing out each spring. I honestly can’t tell you what type of tree it is, not because I don’t know my trees—I’m fairly good at tree identification—but I require a leaf for such purposes. I am not a reader of bark and I can never remember to traipse out to this one when it actually has leaves so I can make a positive i.d. But every spring it is the last one in the yard to go green . . . and every year someone tells me it’s dead and I might as well have it taken down, to which I respond, “Just give it time.”
Now, is there anything I can do to hurry this tree along? After all, it does get a little tiresome having folks tell me year after year that it’s time has come and it needs to go. I suppose I could water it a lot, although Mother Nature currently seems to be doing a fine job of that. Perhaps I should visit with it on occasion. They say talking to your plants is beneficial for their well-being; maybe the same goes for trees. Maybe I need to berate it for being slow and not keeping up with the other trees, not shading its particular spot as quickly or for as long as its neighbors. After all, a tree with no leaves tends to make people question its willingness to fulfill its place in society and the sincerity of its efforts toward behaving like a real tree.
Grieving people are a lot like the trees in my yard. Some of them recover faster than others. Some of them move through the process with more ease than others. And then there are those who, like my leafless tree, need more time. It doesn’t matter how much we may talk to them or encourage them or try to shame them into re-entering life on our time table, the grieving process cannot be hurried. Each person must approach that period of adjustment at their own speed, on their own terms, in their own time. So my response to those who deem it their responsibility to “help” someone along would be the same as my response to those who would suggest my tree needs to be cut down. Just give it time.
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