Memory is an amazing thing; to quote one of my favorite fictional detectives, it’s a blessing . . . and a curse. A blessing because it allows us to relive those moments that mean so much to us when we lose someone we love, and a curse for the very same reason.

Acknowledgment of Death and the void it creates often leads to memorialization, but it isn’t just Death that can send us down that path. If you think about it, we pretty much engage in memorialization without even realizing it.  Did you have Thanksgiving dinner with the family last November?  Then you memorialized the Pilgrims and their journey to the new world.  Were you off work or out of school for Presidents’ Day?  Then someone somewhere decided you should honor the memories of our former leaders, a decision you probably applauded.  What about July 4 ^th ?  Aren’t we memorializing all that went into our struggle for independence and the courage of those men and women who fought for that freedom?

Often, the events we choose to memorialize are not pleasant ones. The Holocaust.  Memorial Day.  The September 11 ^th attacks.  Sandy Hook.   The Oklahoma City bombing.  The Challenger disaster.  Each of these and so many more were national or global tragedies that spawned services of remembrance, museums to tell their stories, and monuments to keep them fresh in our minds. We choose to continually remember and recognize these events as a way to cope with the loss they brought, to remind us of the strength of character that sustained us and allowed us to persevere—and to always bring to mind the lessons we should have learned.

On a much smaller, more personal scale, we memorialize those we love once Death takes them from our sight. It is why we hold funeral or memorial services and make note each year on the day they died.  It is why we mark their graves with monuments of stone and why wooden crosses with names and dates carved into them stand guard over scenes of accidents. Even strangers gather when tragedies occur, bringing flowers and other offerings, leaving them to honor a person they never knew and whose only connection with them is through the violence of their Death.

As humans we have a need to be remembered; we want to know we impacted someone’s life enough that they will keep us in the shadows of their hearts and minds as long as they possibly can. The tangible reminders of our existence become memorials unto themselves, speaking of our lives even when there is no one left to recall.  Wander through the ancient cemeteries and you can find examples of that need everywhere you look.

When Death comes, memorialization and celebration are necessary components of the grieving process. There is an innate need to publicly acknowledge our loss; it is the very essence of the word “memorialize”—to remember . . . to commemorate . . . to honor and to recognize an important part of life that is no longer present.  By remembering we mourn what we have lost while celebrating what we had.

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