“I have lived longer without him than with him.”

I was mindlessly scrolling through Facebook several months ago when these words magically appeared on the screen and demanded my attention.  They were a part of a friend’s status and I thought to myself how hauntingly poignant they were.  The “him” in her post was her father, and she had finally reached a point in her life where she had spent more time on this earth without him than she had been allowed to share with him.

There are many in this world who could echo her words, many who lost their fathers to Death at a very early age . . . on both their parts.  In the natural order of things, children should always bury their parents, but you don’t expect that to come when your dad is in his twenties . . . or thirties . . . or forties . . .

Fathers are supposed to be invincible.  They’re never supposed to be sick.  They’re always supposed to be here when we need them and be able to solve all our problems.  At least those are the things we believe as children—and sometimes as adults.  And they really aren’t supposed to die, at least not until they’re a hundred and ten or so.  We take for granted they’ll follow the rules and be here forever . . . and nothing ever really prepares us for that last day, no matter how much warning we’ve had or how much time we’ve been given to say good-bye.

Real fathers are truly special creatures—and when I say real I’m not just speaking biologically.  There’s a lot more to being a great father than a moment of creation.  The good ones sacrifice themselves and never ask for much in return.  They work hard to provide for those they love and struggle to protect them from the evils of this world.  Their lessons often come through their actions, teaching by example how to survive in life while always putting the needs of others first.  And they worry.  And they fret.  You just may not always see it. And they love without measure.  You just may not always hear it—at least not if you’re waiting for the words.  But if you watch their actions you’ll never have a doubt.

Their special day is just around the corner, that day when we acknowledge the importance of fathers and honor them with ties and socks and cards and such.  At least some of us will get to.  Many of us will not because, for whatever reason, our dads are no longer here.  Death seems to be the biggest culprit although there are times and circumstances when their absence is permanent by choice rather than by chance . . . ‘cause nobody’s perfect, and that includes fathers.  But if you are fortunate enough to still have yours around, may I suggest that you don’t wait for one special day to honor them?  I’m sure most of you aren’t guilty of that, but it’s so easy to do when Life gets in the way, presenting us with our own families and jobs and chaos.  While we’re busy growing up and doing all the adult stuff, they’re slowly growing older, and someday we’ll look around and they won’t be here anymore.  If we’re lucky and we paid attention, they’ll leave a legacy of wisdom and example that will never be equaled.  So how ‘bout instead of waiting for Father’s Day to roll around, we get started now?  Make the phone call and make it every day.  Stop by just to say hi, if stopping by is an option.  Remember their patience with you when you were young and return that favor now.  Make them a habit that will be so hard to break when you no longer can.  Because good habits lead to wonderful memories, and someday that’s all you’ll have.

About the author:  Lisa Shackelford Thomas is a fourth generation member of a family that’s been in funeral service since 1926.  She has been employed at Shackelford Funeral Directors in Savannah, Tennessee for over 40 years and currently serves as the manager there.  Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone, and may or may not reflect the opinions of other Shackelford family members or staff.

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