She’s a celebrity, although evidently not one I’m familiar with since her name has completely escaped me.  Or maybe I can’t remember her name because her words keep bouncing around in my brain, driving out everything else about the event. For whatever reason, I can’t tell you who she is . . . only that she had just given birth and been told immediately thereafter that one of her closest friends had died of COVID.  It was while retelling the story that she said, “I could only grieve for so long.  My baby had to be fed.”  And at that point I thought, “You don’t understand how this works, do you?”

Grief is not mutually exclusive.  As a matter of fact, for the most part it demands that we multitask.  Did you suffer a devastating loss?  We’ll give you some time off from work, but not nearly enough to satisfy Grief.  In school?  That’s nice.  You’re still gonna have to do your homework.  Have a family that depends on you?  Great!  You have a built in support group . . . and people who still expect to be fed and have clean clothes in the closet.  Not to mention help with the aforementioned homework.

All the while, Grief is running in the background, like one of those pesky computer programs that you don’t know exists until you try to shut down.  Then your computer tells you there’s something there that won’t go away so it can turn itself off.  Suddenly you understand why everything has been running slower . . . if it’s running at all. There’s been this rebellious piece of software holding your technological life hostage.  You knew something was going on, you just didn’t know what.

Grief does exactly the same thing.  The whole time you’re trying your best to continue functioning, Grief is running in the background of your life, gunking up the works and slowing down the world.  When you lose someone you love, Grief becomes your constant companion, a shadow that somehow manages to exist with or without the light.  You see, once Grief enters your life, it will never truly leave.  It may subside for a while.  It may shrink into the background and sit quietly, but there will always be a time when it makes its presence known.

So to say one can set aside Grief in order to fulfill the responsibilities and demands of life is not at all an accurate statement.  You do not set Grief aside so you can function.  You learn to function with Grief as your companion.

About the author:  Lisa Shackelford Thomas is a fourth generation member of a family that’s been in funeral service since 1926.  She has been employed at Shackelford Funeral Directors in Savannah, Tennessee for over 40 years and currently serves as the manager there.  Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone, and may or may not reflect the opinions of other Shackelford family members or staff.

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