Their marriage began as a civil contract, entered into so she could remain in Great Britain. They had already become friends and intellectual companions, and it was because of those connections that C. S. Lewis agreed to assist Joy Davidman Gresham in such a fashion. They were both writers, with Lewis being the more famous of the two, having authored the seven book series “The Chronicles of Narnia” which were written between 1949 and 1954, among other works.
His marriage to Joy quickly outgrew its contractual nature and became one of love and devotion, but tragedy struck not long after when she was diagnosed with bone cancer. Labeled as terminal, it eventually went into remission, only to return with a vengeance in 1960, taking her life on July 13th of that year.
C. S. Lewis was devastated. He was 57 when he found the love of his life, and to have her stolen by death after four short years was almost more than he could bear. In an effort to cope with his loss, he began writing, filling a notebook with his observations on love and loss and the overwhelming grief that followed. That book, A Grief Observed, was published under the name N. W. Clerk; it was so raw and unfiltered Lewis did not want it associated with his other works. Ironically, after its publication, his friends kept recommending it to him as a way to help him cope with his loss.
His observations and his ability to express them have helped millions as they journey through the mire that is grief. Reviewers often state they have read the repeatedly . . . as each new loss occurs . . . as the struggle becomes too great . . . as they look toward life where the grief is not so overwhelming. There is comfort to be found in the words that give a voice to their pain . . .
“Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.”
“Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.”
“I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they'll 'say something about it' or not. I hate if they do, and if they don't.”
“I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”
” I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.”
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
C. S. Lewis died on November 22, 1963, an event that went almost unnoticed given it was the same day John F. Kennedy was assassinated. With the permission of his executors, his authorship of A Grief Observed was made public and today this book is one of the most recommended for those who are grieving. Why, you might ask? Because it was written by a man who knew the pain of devastating loss—and could describe for others what they themselves could not put into words.
About the author: Lisa Shackelford Thomas is a fourth-generation member of a family that’s been in funeral service since 1926 and has worked with Shackelford Funeral Directors in Savannah, Tennessee for over 45 years. Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone and may or may not reflect the opinions of other Shackelford family members or staff.
