In 2019, Keanu Reeves appeared as a guest on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (for the unfamiliar, Stephen’s last name is pronounced Co-bear . . . this is an important piece of information, one you should try to remember, at least for now). During their conversation, Stephen asked Keanu several questions, one of which was so impactful that it led to the creation of the Colbert Questionert (remember how I said to pronounce Colbert? Well, questionert rhymes with it, so question-air [no matter how it’s spelled, it’s not question-ert]).
Fast forward to January 13, 2022 and Keanu is once again a guest on The Late Show, only this time the Colbert Questionert exists and he’s up for the challenge. Sorta. The intent of the Questionert is to reveal the participant’s deepest, darkest secrets . . . or maybe just the quirks of their personalities that help make them who they are. Compliments of the Colbert Questionert, here is your insight into Keanu Reeves the person, not Keanu Reeves the actor. (Believe me, there’s a point to all of this.)
1) Best sandwich? After much discussion about the meaning of the question (the best sandwich as far as balance of flavors if you were constructing one in a lab or his personal favorite?), Reeves decided on that day it’s toasted crunchy peanut butter with honey, so you have “the sweet and the savory . . . and the crunch”. By the way, in case you aren’t aware, this man talks with his hands. A lot.
2) What’s the one thing you own that you should really throw out? Reeves agonized over that question, dropping his head down toward his knees while berating himself for not getting rid of stuff, before revealing he’s a pack rat and doesn’t have anything he’s willing to part with. He finally straightens up, looks out at the audience, and states, “I don’t have an answer for that. It’s too much.” Colbert follows up with, “So you live a Spartan life?” to which Reeves responds, “Obviously not.”
3) What is the scariest animal? After only a moment’s hesitation, he starts with “You know, when I was a kid, I always . . .” then blurts out “Spiders!”
4) Apples or oranges? No hesitation. Apples. ‘Cause, as Stephen observed, you can put crunchy peanut butter on apples. And it’s so good.
5) Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Yes. Lou Reed and George Carlin; the first for someone else and the last for himself. Lou Reed signed just his name on a tiny scrap of paper. And since this is a family-oriented blog, I won’t get into specifics about what Carlin wrote.
7) Favorite action movie? He had permission to name one of his own but instead chose Rollerball with James Caan. He loved it as a kid. To quote Reeves, “It had violence, game, philosophy, social commentary . . . fantastic”. I wonder how James Caan would have felt if he’d known Neo/John Wick loved his movie so much?
8) Window or aisle? Window. For the view. Even if it means stepping over people to get to the restroom.
9) Favorite smell? His 1974 Norton Commando (for the uninformed, I’ll save you the trouble of contacting Google . . . that’s a British motorcycle) and the smell when the engine is warm and the oil heats up.
10) Cats or dog? Dogs. But he’s gradually beginning to enjoy cats.
11) You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart”. (If he likes it that much, I’m gonna have to give it a listen.)
12) What number am I thinking of? Reeves guessed six. He was wrong. He then guessed three and was informed he’s only allowed one guess.
13) Describe the rest of your life in five words. His first response? “WHAT!? What kind of question is that!?” After Colbert assured him it wasn’t a question—it was a demand—Reeves said “I’m going to be hopeful” but then followed up with six words: health, love, friendship, create art, motorcycles.”
You may not have noticed, but I skipped question 6. Go ahead and look. I’ll wait.
That’s the one Stephen Colbert asked Keanu Reeves back in 2019.
What do you think happens when we die?
And how did Reeves answer? He looked away, out over the audience for just a moment, exhaled deeply, and then faced Colbert and very deliberately, his now husky voice stressing each word, said,
“I know that the ones who love us will miss us.”
It was a response given by a man who has grieved deeply in his life, having lost his good friend to a drug overdose, his infant daughter to a stillbirth at eight months, and just a short time later, her mother in a tragic car accident. It was a response born of experience, and one he chose not to change when given the opportunity.
About the author: Lisa Shackelford Thomas is a fourth-generation member of a family that’s been in funeral service since 1926. She has been employed at Shackelford Funeral Directors in Savannah, Tennessee for over 45 years and currently serves as the manager there. Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone and may or may not reflect the opinions of other Shackelford family members or staff.
