Lately Facebook has been covered up with the news that Joey Feek of the country duo Joey + Rory has cancer—cancer which has spread aggressively despite continual treatment—and of their decision to end her treatments. In Rory’s blog “This Life I Live” he made a profound statement by simply describing their response to the doctors’ predictions, “The doctors gave us an estimate of how much time they believe that Joey has, and we both looked at the calendar that hangs by our kitchen door, then I took the calendar off the wall and threw in the trash can.  So we don’t have forever.  We’ve got right now.  And that’s enough.”

Rory Feek is a wise man, one who understands that you can lose so much of the present by focusing on the pain of the future. Certainly they are aware of the end result of their decision; they know  there are times when you simply must accept what life holds despite the fear and uncertainty it brings.  There are prayers being said by their many fans and fervent hopes that a miracle will occur and her life will be extended but in the end, it is reasonable to expect that there can be no expectations.

If you have ever cared deeply for someone then at some point you have probably dealt with anticipatory grief, the grief that comes with the knowledge that you are going to lose that person. It isn’t the actual loss that triggers the response but the anticipation of the loss, and if you aren’t very careful—and emotionally strong—you will sacrifice the present by concentrating on the future.  And it doesn’t even have to be an impending loss that serves as the trigger.  Events which threaten those we love—devastating illnesses, accidents, or simply separation—can give us a glimpse of what life might be without them.  They can steal the joy of the present and replace it with the fear of the future, even when that future seems a million miles down the road.

We are human; it is in our DNA to form bonds with other humans and to mourn their passing. But there are times when we must simply throw away the calendar and force ourselves to focus on the present, knowing full well that Death waits around some undetermined corner.  I know there will be times when he will hold her and the realization will come that this will end all too soon.  I know there are times when he will look at their daughter and realize she will grow up never truly knowing much less remembering her mother.  But as Rory Feek said, “We’ve got right now.  And that’s enough.”  Sadly, as Death approaches someone we love, we may find ourselves screaming that it is not enough.  There should be more time and less pain and fear.  But now is all we have; here’s hoping we choose not to let it slip through our fingers.

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