If you’re reading this, then you should already know we have a website . . . since when you clicked on the link, that’s where you landed.  If you use that website on occasion, then you probably know we post obituaries there, and each obituary has a Tribute Wall where nice people—or not nice people—can stop by to leave a message or “light a candle” (as in post a picture of a candle—there are several different colors from which to choose) or send a virtual gift (such as an angel or a teddy bear or a Bible).  What you may not know is that before any of those posts can be seen by the world, they are first seen by one of us.  That’s why they don’t immediately pop up on the intended person’s page.

Now, we have the option of just letting everything slide right on through, but we don’t do that because we don’t trust you.  That’s not you as in the you that’s reading this but a general, random human you.  For some reason, there are people out there who think death provides an opportune time to tell everyone how sorry the person was and what crime/grievous sin they committed that makes them so.

We don’t approve those posts.

Granted, everyone who knew the person may have known the back story, but we don’t know that.  And even if they did, that doesn’t mean we have to let some vengeful soul remind them of that at this particular time and in such a public manner.  That’s why Tribute Wall posts require adult supervision.

Fortunately, most of the posts are filled with fond memories of, and praises for, the departed.  They may hold words of comfort for the surviving family members or expressions of joy over the end of someone’s suffering and their reunion with others who have gone on before.  Even lighting a candle or leaving a virtual gift tells the family you thought enough of them and their loss and the one they loved to acknowledge all of the foregoing publicly.

Whenever I happen to be the one who logs in and runs through what’s waiting to be approved, I marvel at the memories that are often left and at the sorrow expressed due to someone’s permanent absence.  There are times I can feel the hurt as they mourn the passing or share the joys of the life they are honoring.  But, on occasion, I find myself wondering, did they tell them how much they meant when they were still alive and could appreciate it?

We all fall short when it comes to telling the people around us how much they mean.  We fall even shorter when it’s someone we don’t see but every whip-stitch and don’t think about on a daily basis.  Often, we don’t realize how much they meant in our lives until they are no longer there.

According to the Interweb (which we all know is always accurate . . .), Anne Frank once said “Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude”.  Whether or not she actually said that is debatable, but no matter the source, that’s still a very strong statement.  I don’t believe regret is always the motivating factor behind the actions that follow a death, but I do know we can often avoid that possibility by just taking a few moments to tell someone how important they are to us.  You know, flowers don’t always have to be flowers.  They can be a simple card that says thanks for the difference you’ve made or a letter that shares how much you appreciate their presence in your life.  They can be a phone call that says, “I’m thinking about you today”.  When Death comes to call, flowers for the family are beautiful, and always appreciated, but there’s no substitute for telling someone how much they mean to you while they’re still around to hear it.

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