Code Jerry Lee

Lisa Thomas • October 24, 2018

I was quietly working away in bookkeeping last Saturday evening, minding my own business and not bothering anyone else.  It seemed a little chilly, which is understandable since bookkeeping is in the garage, so I turned on the heat for the first time this season, and went back to the tasks at hand.  A few minutes later the strangest alarm started sounding.  It resembled the ringing of an old-timey telephone followed by a sick goose.  Seriously.  Three rings.  Three honks.  Three rings.  Three honks.  Over and over and over.  I kept wondering whose house or car had such a funky sounding alarm . . . and why in the world didn’t they shut it off?

Then my cell phone rang.

It was my husband, who was answering the funeral home phones that night, telling me the monitoring service for our alarm company had called to report a fire alarm at 450 Church Street and they had notified the fire department.

Hmmmm . . .

I rose from my chair, still on the phone with my husband, walked out of bookkeeping into the garage, then out of the garage into the hallway by the mechanical electrical room.  That’s when I realized the “goose” was actually the little man who lives in the fire panel yelling, “FIRE.  FIRE.  FIRE.”  And the hallway was filled with smoke.

I’m fairly certain I said something I probably shouldn’t have.

My heretofore unformed mental check list kicked in.  First out, any living breathing human beings.  We actually have a code to be used over the intercom system in case there’s a fire in the building—Code Jerry Lee (for Jerry Lee Lewis who sang “Great Balls Of Fire”)—but since I was the only qualifying individual present, an announcement didn’t seem necessary.  Second out, any deceased human remains.  I checked the preparation room.  Empty.  I searched the staterooms looking for the person for whom a visitation was to start the next day.  At this point the employee who lives across the back yard—the one I had frantically summoned—arrived and the casket was removed from the stateroom and placed in the back of the hearse, ready to be taken away from the building.

In the midst of the chaos I remembered turning on the heat, a fact I mentioned to the fire fighters as they arrived.  To the roof they went, quickly locating the offending unit (the smoke billowing from it was a dead giveaway . . . no pun intended . . .).  A dismantling of the thing revealed smoldering insulation that vaguely resembled the glowing embers of a camp fire.  No flames, but enough smoke to make you think there should have been some somewhere.

When the excitement subsided and the world went away, I started thinking about how much there was to lose in this building.  I don’t mean furniture or caskets or even equipment and vehicles.  I’m talking about history.  We have records of families we’ve served dating back to 1926 and all the insurance money in the world won’t replace those files.  Granted, for years one of the motivating factors for several actions we’ve taken has been, “What do we lose if the building burns?”  That’s why we’ve archived basic information from the older funeral records we have into computer databases, back to the very first service.  That’s why we now have the records for the cemetery entered into the computer so we know who’s buried where and who owns what.  It’s why we used to run back-ups to external hard drives that we changed out each day, storing the latest one in the safe.  It’s why we’ve started backing up to the cloud.  But there’s so much more.

Now we’re beginning to scan our preneed files, creating digital copies of the paper that presently occupies six file cabinet drawers.  Next on the list will be the monument orders.  And I’m still trying to figure out how we get the bookkeeping records out if the opportunity is there, keeping in mind that no record is worth someone’s life.  But if there is time, where do we start and in what order do we go?

There were always fire drills when I was in school and today we’re encouraged to have escape plans in place should our homes ever catch fire.  That may mean a designated gathering spot and collapsible ladders for second floor bedrooms with smoke alarms in all the appropriate places and fire extinguishers in the kitchen and by the electrical box.  The main goal should always be to save lives.  In a fire that’s all that really matters.  But there are steps we can take before that ever happens that will safe guard our history—like scanning family pictures and storing the back-ups in a safe place or copying important documents and placing the originals in a safe deposit box or fire-proof safe.

As I mused about the evening and all the suggestions I’d received from various members of the staff regarding building evacuation and document salvaging, I remembered one observation that was definitely an accurate assessment, whether you’re talking about your own personal home or a business . . . like a funeral home.  You can’t protect everything.  And he was right. But you know what?

I can sure try.

By Lisa Thomas September 11, 2025
The name they had chosen was filled with meaning, a combination of his father’s—Jon—and her father’s—Michael. Even before they knew what he was, they knew who he was.
By Lisa Thomas September 3, 2025
It was sometime in the 1960s or perhaps even the early 1970s. We could possibly even narrow it down a bit more than that . . . let’s say the mid-60s to early 70s. There had been a murder . . .
By Lisa Thomas August 27, 2025
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
By Lisa Thomas August 20, 2025
Carl Jeter had walked out on the deck of his house to survey the flood waters of the Guadalupe River—and to be certain the level was no longer rising.
By Lisa Thomas August 13, 2025
It was bedtime in the Guinn household and six-year-old Malcolm had decided tonight was the night to declare his independence.
By Lisa Thomas August 6, 2025
They had been married almost 25 years when Death suddenly took him. Twenty-five years of traveling around the country with his work. Twenty-five years of adventures and building their family and finally settling into a place they believed they could call their forever home.
By Lisa Thomas July 30, 2025
It was quietly hiding in the chaos that was once a well-organized, barn-shaped workshop/storage building, one now filled with all the things no one needed but with which they couldn’t bring themselves to part.
By Lisa Thomas July 23, 2025
Do you remember when new vehicles didn’t come with on-board navigation systems and if you wanted one you had to buy something like a Garmin or a Magellan or some other brand that would talk you through your trip?
By Lisa Thomas July 16, 2025
Recently I found myself playing a rousing game of “Chutes and Ladders” with my grandson and his mom (my daughter)—a game I soon realized I was destined to lose.
By Lisa Thomas July 10, 2025
Facebook is like the double-edged sword of social media. On the one hand, it can be the spreader of good news . . . But it also serves as the bearer of all that is bad.