There are times in this life when words simply fail to adequately describe a situation. Losing someone you love is without a doubt one of those times. You can say it’s sad . . . or tragic . . . maybe heartbreaking . . . or distressing . . . perhaps painful. But can’t it all be summed up in one tiny, four-letter word?
Hard.
It’s hard . . . it’s just really hard losing someone you love.
And now we’re approaching that time of year known as “The Holiday Season”. You wanna talk about hard? Holidays are hard. Really hard. Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of the most family-oriented holidays known to man, and when one—or more—people are missing from those celebrations with only their memories in attendance, the joy of the season can go missing right along with them.
Most everyone seems to believe the first year is the hardest—that once you survive the first Thanksgiving . . . the first Christmas without someone you’ve loved and lost, that it’ll be downhill from there. I wish I could tell you that was true, but it isn’t always. That’s because you’re prepared for how difficult the firsts will be. It’s to be expected, so you have your steely resolve in place, and you’ve made all the necessary arrangements to navigate through the moments you wish weren’t.
But when the seconds roll around, you’re not as prepared, because you believe they won’t be as stressful or painful. That’s the superpower of seconds. They sneak up on you disguised as normal and you don’t recognize the deception until you are in the middle of setting the table for family Thanksgiving or decorating the tree for Christmas. Then it hits you. And it’s hard. It’s just really, really hard.
You can’t always be ready. Once there is Loss, there will always be Grief. Somedays, she will sleep quietly in the corner. Somedays, she will stand close by and gently whisper of your loss. And then there are those days when she will hurl memories at you until you break down in tears. Please remember, every bit of this is normal—it is all part of Life after Loss. And sadly, it’s the price we’re required to pay for having loved.
About the author: Lisa Shackelford Thomas is a fourth-generation member of a family that’s been in funeral service since 1926 and has worked with Shackelford Funeral Directors in Savannah, Tennessee for over 45 years. Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone and may or may not reflect the opinions of other Shackelford family members or staff.
